Sexual Abuse & Childhood Trauma
I was sexually abused by a family member for over ten years. In my book, I describe my experiences, how I was consistently let down by health professionals, particularly my GP, who I believe turned a blind eye to my symptoms. I describe how this changed me as a child, shaping my personality, behaviours, and beliefs. I share the survival strategies I developed during that time and detail my healing journey.
As a child, I sacrificed my happiness and childhood to protect my loved ones from suffering. This is why I titled my book Sacrificial Girl.
When you are abused, you contend not only with the physical and mental aspects of the abuse itself but also with the behaviours and beliefs you adopt as a child to survive. These coping mechanisms are essential for enduring the trauma but can be damaging in adulthood. These core beliefs will develop into rules and perceptions about life.
As children, we are forced to keep secrets and lies, often believing we are somehow to blame for the abuse. We carry the guilt and burden of thinking that revealing these secrets will hurt those close to us. This burden later manifests as trust issues, guilt, and shame.
I found the most challenging aspect of these behaviours to be how exhausting they are, both mentally and physically, and the detrimental effects they have on the body and mind.
Some of these emotional and psychological traits can persist indefinitely. However, the sooner we become self-aware and understand their root causes, the easier it becomes to manage and cope with them.
You don’t deserve to carry the weight or live with fear, shame, blame, guilt, or regret, remember that the trauma doesn’t own or define you. Find your voice and release the burden of blame, shame, guilt, and start to heal. Take back your power and control the outcome.
My favourite quote is “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become”. I have this tattooed on my arm as a constant reminder to stay true to myself.
Just remember, healing is a journey, strive for balance, seek that well-being, and never let go of the joy in simply living, you deserve to be living your best life.
Below are some of the behaviours and core beliefs we have as abuse survivors:
To put other people’s needs first.
To make yourself invisible.
To blot out memories.
To not draw attention to yourself.
To merge with the identities of others.
To hide your true self.
To leave your body.
To internalise anger, transforming it into fear and guilt.
To cut off from fear, sadness, and self-love.
To doubt yourself.
To avoid intimacy.
To disconnect from and distrust your sexuality and sexual boundaries.
To put yourself down, devaluing your life and achievements.
To act out of self-hatred and desire to destroy yourself.
To live in chaos, seeking perfect control, too afraid to act, fearing you would experience total powerlessness.
To see life as a series of cries to be got through, to see pleasure as guilt-ridden, unreal or untrustworthy.
Remember we are living what we learn until we decide not to and change.
In the self-help section you will find help on healing, there are worksheets, information on shame & guilt, being emotionally numb, self-awareness, building up your self-esteem and self-compassion.
Your self-esteem starts to grow as soon as you are born. Babies do not see themselves in a good or bad way. Children learn from a very young age what they are worth.
I believe this subject is often overlooked when dealing with mental health awareness. It is one of the first areas I addressed, and I believe it holds the foundations for starting your healing journey and build a better version of yourself.
When you confront and process long-buried emotions, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and begin to question and change destructive beliefs and behaviours, starting to heal.
